Dreams

{& Dream-Measures}

Happy new year lovely people 💕

Let’s just say this is my actual new year greeting because let me not lie, the first letter was a “make e no be like say I no dey consistent.” You know that aspire to perspire to maguire people will actually not allow a human rest on this consistency matter 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Anyhoooozzz welcome to 2021! How has the year been for you (please answer this question in the comment section before I appear in your dreams to hound you for a reply) so far?

For me, it’s been a beautiful mix of being busy, being angry, being excited, being at peace, being sad, being anxious. Also, it’s the first year since I moved back to Nigeria that I’ve had a peaceful crossover.

31st December 2018/1st January 2019 was the actual ghetto guys; maybe one day I’ll talk about this but the summary was that I was on the phone with LauLau (one of my absolute favorite girls) for 3 hours and we were crying in shifts. I will lament and talk while she’s crying and when the talk has entered my body, I’ll start crying and she’ll take over talking. Most of 2019 was not too different from how it started tbh.

31st December 2019/1st January 2020 was passive aggressive ghetto. I remember I threw a mattress on the sitting room floor of my father’s house (everybody had gone to church except me) and I just spent the midnight on Twitter, watching movies and eating. I didn’t even have the energy to muster any emotion but 2020 was a somewhat better year compared to 2019. 

*Should I do a post about my 2020?

31st December 2020/1st January 2021 was good. I was tired from work so I laid on the bed for the most part and a few minutes into the new year, I went to the beach to put my feet in water and then, I called my friends and family. 

Whooosshh that’s a lot of information for the simple question of “how’s the new year going for you?” Kindly forgive me, I just really miss communicating my thoughts in details (read as: I miss y’all).

Ok, what am I talking about today? I absolutely have no idea but I know that at the end of this letter I would have said something that’ll make some bit of sense.

I’m going to share one thing that’s been on my mind a lot this year.

People’s desires out of life are valid!!!

I’ve never understood people that want “ordinary” lives and/or Christians that want an “ordinary” walk with God. I think I really just cannot rationalize ordinariness, like why have this when you can have more. 

Naturally - I had a friend that really just wanted a simple, basic life. Make money, be comfortable, GET MARRIED, birth/raise kids and that’s it. I always thought she could be more and I would push her and share the grand ideas I could picture about her. To be fair to her, she tried really, to see the things I see or see the way I saw them but it just never worked. I think one of the things that ruined our friendship was this; she felt she couldn’t live up to the life I had built up for her so she started to stay away; I also felt she wasn’t doing enough and I was just so angry that she’s couldn’t see what I wanted her to see.

Spiritually (please note I’m still trying a lot to understand this) - I cannot for the life of me understand how a believer, having read the Bible to know all that is possible in Christ will be comfortable not doing much to pursue it. I have a friend who really wants to be consistent with praying daily, reading the bible daily too, attend church services and just go ahead to “live” a good life. She thinks the “big spiritual” things are for pastors or people that have an obvious calling on their life. I hear her but I don’t get it and I just wish I could open her head and heart to push her to insatiable hunger for all that humanity can experience in God on this side of eternity.

A couple of things I’m learning on this subject are;

(1) You cannot dream or wish people into something; they have to want it and want it enough to go after it.

(2) What I call ordinary is actually not ordinary, human experiences are all valid. 

Also, because humanity is all that, every part of your intrinsic self is all that.

(3) Extraordinary is really a mirage in my opinion. I think ordinary is good, great I might say, if we commit to living full ordinary lives.

The pursuit of being extraordinary makes us believe there is superiority to our humanity which is false, we are all equally humans. I do not aim to be the extraordinary one in a crowd; I wish we all could live our simple, ordinary lives as fully as possible. 

I have realized that many people are living less ordinary lives.

(4) Putting yourself in a position to define what is ordinary and what is not could very much lead to pride. I was more prideful in the past because I just felt these people wanted too little (it started as a honest desire really). Unfortunately when I failed woefully at life and these people seemed to succeed faster at their simple dreams, it ruined me, much more than the failure I’d say. For the most part, I just felt maybe I was just only dreams and no actual content. I am no custodian (neither is anyone) on the quality of live people should have for themselves, that level of pride can never be good.

(5) It is ok to have a vibrant relationship with people that do not “yet” want the things I think they can have. 

There also are a lot of things I can learn from them;

their outlook towards life 

their simple heart 

their innocence 

their simplicity.

I can enjoy looking at the glitter in their eyes when they talk about their basic, everyday desires.

I can picture their hearts jumping at their dreams, even if they seem little to me.

I can rejoice that I know one person whose more human than many people chasing what they do not personally want.

I can celebrate their choices and the audacity to stick to it in a world constantly teaching you to run.

I can dance with them and sing with them with the truest of hearts.

I can let them into my world and slowly hope that maybe one day, my drive might influence them.

I must also accept that even if their drive never changes; they are still worthy of my love and acceptance because they are great people who have just found a different way to live.

Enjoy the rest of January my loves, wishing you so much ❤️ & 💡